Could this still be me?

OMG! I searched for my whole name, and what I found, I didn’t expect.
Which made me go back to wordpress. I just can’t believe that it’s still online. I haven’t thought of this for years, I don’t even remember when or why…

I created this piece 2002 according to the site:

This made me realize something I lost (or maybe forced to hide). I almost forgot… this is me. this was me. could this still be me?

Something I wrote years ago… around 2002. why? I don’t know.

© 2002

Pain…his sobs could be heard amidst the silence on the beach. He was alone with his head bowed and his shoulders slouching with defeat. His tears flowed freely, his hands clenched at his sides; his black shirt wet with his tears…and in his mind one question kept coming back…Why?

He looked up slowly, the tears still flowing. He looked around him…The beach was quiet, the soft breeze lulling, the sun casting an orange hue to the sky…And he remembered a time when he wasn’t alone on that beach…A time that was so full of joy and full of hope. A time that was quickly faded…

He could just see her with her long, straight black hair flowing like silk around her, with her golden brown eyes twinkling with mischief and happiness, with her beautiful lips in an equally beautiful smile. By this time, she would be looking at him, grinning, and teasing him. She would be voicing out her thoughts about just anything that she wants to talk about. In this solitary beach, joy was found, secrets were told…lives were shared.

“If only I could turn back the hands of time…” he thought to himself. And again pictures of what seemed like yesterday flashed in his mind…

The sky was perfect blue, and the sun was shining brightly. No cloud marred the beauty up above, and below, in a beach were three people, talking animatedly with each other. You wouldn’t know that Axie and Web were newly introduced. It would seem that they have known each other for years. Zandra and Web were sharing their childhood escapades with Axie. And under that blue sky, a beautiful friendship developed. Each was only a phone call away so it wasn’t unusual for them to talk everyday. Their thoughts were shared and their lives uncovered for the sake of each other.

As time passes by, Web and Axie grew closer. A storng bond was forming between them…a bond that couldn’t be denied. As time quickly flew by, the love that was planted at the beginning started to grow. With their friendship enhancing it further, their love for each other grew strong and deep. And it seemed that nothing could ever come between them. Until…

That sunny day, while enjoying a siesta in the park, Axie was acting quite weird. Actually, lately she wasn’t her usual self. She always looked tired and weak. Zandra and Web were worried about her but she keeps on insisting that she’s alright. That sunny day, her friends kept looking at her, their concerned glances meeting with each other, their faces marred with frowns. Axie looked like she was going to drop any moment. After some time, Axie noticed them looking at her, then at each other.

“Will you please stop looking at me like some weakling? You know how I hate to be stared at!” she said after a while.

“Sorry.” Both of her friends answered. They lay quietly on the grasses for some time, talking about life and about nothing in particular.

Web stroke Axie’s hair asking, “Is something wrong, Ax?”

“No! Nothing’s wrong.” Axie snapped.

Zandra and Web shared questioning glances. She never, never raises her voice, much else snap. They sensed that something was wrong but as long as Axie was quiet about it, they were not going to ask questions. She would tell them if she wants to. The time ticked on, the day flew by. Many more days passed and Axie got weirder and weirder. She just wasnt herself until the day came that she barely talked to her friends.

It was hurting the three of them. Their friendship was suffering but still Web hang on. He sensed…he knew that something was wrong. He knew it with all his being and he was dying to know what. But he can’t…Axie wasn’t returning his calls, and when he goes to her house she wasn’t there, always. It’s quite obvious that she’s avoiding him. He can’t understand why…the question kept coming back…Why?

As for Axie, she too was suffering. She misses her friends so much but she doesn’t know what else to do. She can’t let them suffer with her…She won’t let them.

“I guess it’s better if I leave them. Then, they will be ready.”

She grew weaker and weaker each day, and before she finally lost her strength, she wrote a simple note to Web.

Web dear,

Sometime ago, I met you and my days were filled with sunshine. Sometime ago, I knew you and I was filled with knowledge.

Thank you for all the times that we have shared. And now, as my life slowly fades, let not my memories fade with it. And always remember in your heart…

Forever, I will love you.


The days went on, the nights continued. And finally, the day has come…

“If only I could turn back the hands of time..” he muttered again, “I wouldn’t make her do it. I wouldn’t have left her alone..I wouldn’t have…I wouldn’t have…”

He kept thinking that he could have made a difference if only he persevered that he talks to her. But he didn’t…

He looked down at his hand and unclenched it. Yes, he was looking at it..He looked up again, and saw the sun setting. It was a beautiful scene but for him it was the end of a life and of a love…

A girl silently walked up to him. A girl with brown hair and black eyes…A girl that also has tear streaks in her face…She offered her hand and on it, he saw a note…

Zandra, my friend,

Thank you for a life that was full of your love and laughter. I love you.


And the last line was “Take care of him…free him.”

She knew that he would blame himself…she knew him so well…And she’s freeing him…from the pain. The pain that was consuming him…and his guilt.

He looked up again, now facing the setting sun…

“That is not an end but a new beginning…Thank you…I’ll always love you, Axie.”

He smiled and opened his hand. The letter was gently caught by the breeze and flew towards the heavens, with him smiling at it and at peace, towards its writer…


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