The previous months have been hard for me. It has taken a toll on me physically and emotionally. Having been newly diagnosed with Lupus Nephritis – hard, very hard. Have a lot to think about, have a lot to adjust to, and have a lot of flares.
But what I have to get off my chest is actually what is inside. I tried to create and start this blog to be able to release what i feel, because honestly, sometimes I don’t think they understand. Still though, I can’t seem to write everything down. There is this something that stops me from sharing, from releasing.
Is it because I am afraid that people will see my vulnerability? People will read about what I truly feel, that I do have a heart, and that I’m human? Is it because of the fear to make people see how truly… messed up? broken? sad? depressed? AFRAID? WEAK?… I am?
I have written a lot of seemingly nonsense in the first few posts… but i guess this is me, huh.
I need to get this off my chest… and soon. Although, I do realize that i can’t force myself to do it now. But i Know i have to as I’m reaching my breaking point, and I’m not sure what will happen if I do reach it.