just live.

I can’t sleep… Maybe because I slept the whole day to stop myself from feeling the pain in my stomach. All I did for the past few hours is sleep. From the time I went home yesterday (5PM – PM SL po), then this morning… just woke up when Tintin came to pay her reservation… slept again until Tintin told me she’ll be coming by to visit. 9PM i guess… 😦 then Wamar came to download some stuff.. then they went home… and I now want to sleep to be able to report to work EARLY! But I can’t. and i still feel this pain in my stomach and it seems it’s here to stay. :((
Hope it wont be like this later. 😦 I have a lot to do… still have to draft the procedures for Bug Reporting and CAR Raising, have to review and update all the other procedures that Tintin and Ms. Chris are currently reviewing (or I guess they finished already since I didnt report to work today). I also have to twikify those procedures. and get ready for the briefing I have to do for CUT… so many things to do and its frustrating why I have to get sick.:((

Well.. I am already sick, ayt? every single day, I’m sick. I just don’t think about it. too depressing. and everyday, I think am not getting better. tsk tsk. pasaway kasi. oh well. if death comes, then so be it. if I wake up and get to live another day, why not live it to the fullest?

But yeah, I do dream that one day, I’ll wake up and this damned SLE will be in remission. Just for a few months, sure. even just for a few days without red rashes on my face, my arms, my back. Just like the good old days.

The key? Prayer. Yeah I do believe it can happen. Some day. Hmm but before that I have to quit… a lot of things. Quit smoking for one. hahaha. Pasaway nga diba? But If I really wanted to, I bet I can stop. 🙂 Just that I don’t want to … YET.

Another key? staying happy. with no depressing thoughts (financial stuff already a given so doesn’t count)… This would mean I shouldn’t fall in love, coz loving for me usually means depression… yeah yeah always loving the wrong person, or it’s not a good time… or whatever.

But then, whats the use of living? haha… 🙂 no pain, no gain. 😛

Gotta have faith. gotta keep it. 🙂
So am trying to smile, be happy, and just live.

and… pray that these damn ulcers will stop and let me try to be my workaholic self again. 🙂
(ayan control pa yum… ulcer tuloy nakuha mo… kelangan na kasi kalimutan… and wag maging feeler… DIBA TIN?)

hehe. but am happy na rin for now. 😛 weeeh. bakit? si tin, jz lang nakaalam bakit. sana tuloy-tuloy na.:)

So…

Gotta have faith. gotta keep it. 🙂
So am trying to smile, be happy, and just live.

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