It’s such a nice feeling when you get to see someone you know and someone that you care for reach for their dreams… and doing something to reach their dreams. It makes one think that yes, you can also reach your dreams. You can make your dreams come true. You can say that someday, you’ll have your dreams within your reach… and in your palms.
It’s a wonder actually… how people keep on dreaming, on hoping when it seems to be so hopeless. When it seems that life does not get you somewhere… and when it seems nothing else can help you. But then, one day, something changes. a glimmer of hope appears. how is it that this happens?
It was a dreary day in November 2002. Riding a motorcycle to school, enduring the bumpy road, but then used to it. Been doing it for years. About a few meters from where you started the ride, you see a sign. and you told the manong “STOP!”, and there you got off the motorcycle., paid the driver, then stared at the sign. You were there at least 5 minutes just staring at the sign. Looking at it, blankly at first.. then with thoughts running in your mind..
Questions.. “Should I go in? Will I be able to take what’s in store? Am i ready to face whatever is waiting for me?”
You finally went in. Afraid, scared, and feeling hopeful.. that what you are thinking, what you already know… it’s not true and you are just plain wrong.
Unfortunately, you were right. What you have been dreading, it’s been confirmed. Life is changing… and for you that time… it’s for the worse.
You went out that door, blank and unthinking. Rode another motorcycle, reached your destination. Nothing in your mind… you can’t think straight. You did what you had to do in the place where you originally wanted to go… then went home..
Went home. No tears flowed from your eyes, no pain in your heart. Just questions. All questions.
“What am I to do?”
“How could be so stupid???”
Days passed. YOu still haven’t come to terms, but you’ve done what must be done. No school this year. Just stay at home.
You pretended nothing was wrong. You still smiled as if your life is not in the gutters. You still laughed as if nothing has changed. But deep down, you know. EVERYTHING has changed. Your life. Your priorities. All has changed, and still nothing is in mind on what must and what should be done. what is right. what must be.
Depression seeps in. and you still smile.
Sadness is in your heart. and you still smile.
You feel that God has deserted you somehow, but you still think that what happened has a reason. Even if you don’t know what.
You live your life as if nothing’s changed. But inside, depression and hopelessness.. two of the main things that are taking root in your heart, your mind, your soul..
A month has passed… it’s days before Christmas. and you lie.
“I couldn’t go there Ma. I’ve got tons of stuff to do in school.”
Funny ha. school??? Just an escape. so that they wouldn’t have to bear the pain you are feeling. To see the hopelessness in you.
You went to a Christmas get-together. You can’t stay at home forever can you? and there you faced some people you care about.. and who you are lying to..
“How are you?” they ask.
“oh, I’m alright.doing fine. doing right. staying happy”.
Then a friend comes along. You get to talk. you get to share. not those intimate secrets. Not yet. it’s not the right time. not yet.
Dec24 – a friend visits. it gets lonely, you know, being alone at Christmas time. And hope is seen. Someone makes you see hope. Someone to make you think of tomorrow.
Is this meant? or was this just a coincidence?
I just learned that whatever happens, it may be a big thing or a small and unnoticeable thing, but still in some ways, someone out there gives us hope.
And this keeps me going. This is one thought that keeps me moving on.
In everything that goes on around me, depressing it may be.. still there will be a glimmer opf hope somewhere, sometime.
Just keep on having the faith.
even if sometimes, it seems nothing can help us now.
And seein’ their dreams start to come true, one little thing that goes a long way… Showing me that there is hope.
Just keep the faith.